What is sympathy and how is it shown?

Showing sympathy for a particular person can be the first sign of serious feelings. At the same time, many problems of modern people are caused precisely by the fact that the man in the street is unable to understand his own feelings, in vain exaggerates or underestimates them. In order not to make mistakes, you need to understand exactly whether you sympathize with someone or not.

The very word "sympathy" from the Greek language is translated as "attraction" and is described as a kind of involuntary predisposition. If one person sympathizes with another, this does not mean that he necessarily likes his appearance - rather, it is about a feeling of some kind of emotional kinship. This is an instinctive desire for happiness for another, since the object of sympathy is associated exclusively with positive emotions. It will not be possible to briefly delve into the meaning of the term, because there is no exhaustive definition in psychology, but we will nevertheless delve into the intricacies of what it means.

Sympathy should not be confused with gratitude - if the second is a direct response to some actions, then the first arises on its own and may seem completely unreasonable. In many cases, it occurs at the moment of acquaintance literally at first sight, when there can be no talk of objective reasons for the predisposition. Some psychologists define the phenomenon as a kind of irrational trust, not based on any checks.

For the development of full-fledged sympathy, it is important that the participants in what is happening correctly understand the boundaries of each other's personal space and do not violate them. DEven if a person likes it, but invades intimate territory, he will subconsciously be perceived as an aggressor, and you can forget about positive impressions. If the process has begun, then the sympathetic person will eventually let the object of sympathy into his comfort zone, because such is human nature - we instinctively want to trust someone.

Versions of addition nWhy and between whom sympathy arises are numerous and varied. Biologists tend to explain the phenomenon in their own way: our body is determined to look for a partner with a different, a certain set of smells, a different figure, and so on, if subconsciously we understand that introducing additional diversity into the genome will be beneficial for children. Psychologists reason differently: we sympathize with people who are more like us, because then it is easy for us to understand each other perfectly.

Sometimes, sympathy can also manifest itself in response to how someone has sympathy for us. A person, being a social being, unconsciously tries to establish good relations with others, and when someone treats you well, you may feel a slight sense of guilt for not reciprocating.

There is also the concept of antipathy - a feeling that is the opposite of sympathy. Like sympathy, antipathy can arise both instantly, at first sight, and manifest later, gain strength as the acquaintance deepens. It can be described in different ways - it can resemble disgust, dislike, some kind of inner dislike. Wherein a person who has antipathy towards someone may consciously understand that this is irrational, but he cannot help himself. When we dislike, we interpret a signal from our instincts that says that the object of dislike is potentially dangerous. Experts believe that this perception may be due to some kind of genetic memory. At the same time, antipathy is no less important for socialization than sympathy.

The sympathy on the part of the other person must be timely perceived by the object, it must be determined in time and somehow react to it - otherwise the sympathizer may be offended, and his enthusiasm will grow into antipathy. It is natural for a person to express his feelings with words and body language, reinforcing what was said with gestures and signs, and all that remains is to understand them. To dispel doubts that someone has sympathized with you, consider specific examples of how this can manifest itself.

With verbal expressions of sympathy, everything is quite simple - the person himself will say that he likes you, and you won't have to guess too much. In most cases, of course, the phrase will not be phrased so verbatim. But a girl from a man, for example, will often hear compliments, and she, in turn, will ask for help in an insinuating tone, even in situations where she could handle herself, in order to show that she is weak and defenseless, needs the help that the object is capable of. provide.

Since sympathy is not always related to romantic relationships in any of their manifestations, verbally, it can manifest itself in any other expressions of approval. It doesn't matter if it is an endorsement of your outlook on life or praise for your hard work.

If everything is clear and obvious with the verbal expression of sympathy, then it is the non-verbal manifestations of such feelings that often remain misinterpreted. Moreover, in many cases, a person who does not claim any kind of relationship development, but feels sympathy, will not say anything about her. However, you can catch him in a predisposition to you by certain actions, which are often not even meaningful and can be denied by the person himself.

There is a fairly well-known quote that deciphers the concept of "love" as "wanting to touch." If we are talking about a man's sympathy for a woman, then this rule works not only in the case of deepest love, but also in a situation with sympathy. Of course, this can be banal politeness, but all these hand feeds, attempts to take a young lady by the arm or hold her by the elbow, may indicate a predisposition.

Contrary to the stereotype spread by love stories, it is just normal for a man not to pursue the same woman for years, but to immediately switch his attention to another if the first does not reciprocate. If a lady is pleased that she has attracted attention and wants to consolidate the effect, she is simply obliged to express reciprocity in one form or another. In most cases, to begin with, it will be enough just a benevolent smile to the representative of the stronger sex.

A woman's sympathy for a man can also manifest itself in unconscious light tactile contacts and a desire to be closer, but there are other aspects as well. Ladies need more comfort than gentlemen, but they also strive to provide their chosen one with the most comfortable conditions - therefore, they clearly demonstrate concern for a man. They are also a priori more attentive. And if a girl is constantly interested in how you are doing, listens sympathetically, empathizes, this is direct evidence of the existing sympathy, even if she does not directly speak about it. In addition, ladies, like men, can be proactive in relationships, and in this case, there is no need to doubt the nature of what is happening.

The key difference between sympathy and love is that the former occurs between any kindred soul - even where there can be no question of subsequent romantic relationships. A classic example of such a phenomenon is friendly sympathy, which often arises between people of the same sex and, over time, really develops into friendship. In this case, the reason for the occurrence is definitely not appearance, but disposition is due precisely to the commonality of views and hobbies. “He's a smart guy,” “we get along well” - these are the clearest examples of verbal confirmation that sympathy is already showing. At the same time, people of the same sex are not necessarily subject to a friendly feeling.

Secret or hidden sympathy is a completely separate concept. Its specificity lies in the fact that a person consciously or unconsciously seeks not to show that someone is interesting to him. In some cases, a person who feels sympathy does not even want to admit the existence of disposition even to himself - for example, if the object in one sense or another “does not fit”.It remains to recall that sympathy arises unconsciously, therefore we may like a person of the “wrong” estate or financial situation, with bad habits condemned by society, atypical appearance, and so on. Secret sympathy in many cases can be a problem for the one who experiences it, because, being forced to withdraw into himself, a person becomes depressed.

Sympathy is a feeling that has no specific time frame. Having arisen immediately at the time of acquaintance, it can theoretically disappear on the same day if a new acquaintance suddenly demonstrates himself from the worst side and pushes his newly-made fan away. In an unspoken state, sympathy can exist for weeks or months without showing any initiative, especially if the person experiencing this feeling is completely satisfied with this state of affairs. Being dissatisfied with the fact that sympathy is unrequited (or seems to be such, due to the lack of his own initiative), a person in some cases can also be unreasonably disappointed in the object of adoration to the depths of his soul, turning a beautiful feeling into antipathy.

Above, we examined the conditionally negative options for the development of sympathy, in which it exists for many months, but does not lead to any positive development of the situation. Another thing is that the feeling of sympathy can only deepen over time if, as the acquaintance develops, it is found that the feeling is mutual, and that the subsequent impression from the other party only improves as you get to know each other better. In this situation, sympathy threatens, sooner or later, to develop into something more - either friendship, or falling in love, and even love. How long this transition will last depends heavily on the activity on both sides.

In order to build the right relationship, it is very important to understand whether we are talking about romantic sympathy, or the actions of the suspect in sympathy with you are due to any other motives. Impressing someone doesn’t mean, really, to be liked, therefore we will try to figure out how different manifestations of disposition differ.

The difference between sympathy and falling in love or love is fundamentally important. Sympathy can be limited to a simple "smiled and parted", here the person does not expect any vivid answer, does not make joint plans, and so on - he is pleased to be with you, but the current volumes are quite enough.

Love is already a completely different feeling, in dire need of the development of relationships. A sympathetic man will give a compliment, help in small things, maybe invite you somewhere, but these will be episodic manifestations that do not have a systematic nature. If he were really in love, he would take steps much more often, try to show himself from his best side, he would focus on helping, to show that he would be comfortable and safe with him.

It is very important for girls to be able to distinguish sympathy from politeness, because today there are not so many gentlemen, and a general tradition of courting absolutely any lady has not been formed in our country. Here it is necessary to grasp why a man behaves this way: does he give his hand automatically to everyone, or to a particular girl he also shows some emotions, distinguishing her from the rest. Emphasized automatism usually speaks of upbringing, and most likely they will not offer you anything more serious than friendship. If doubts remain, the young lady can always allow a slight provocation on her part, demonstrating one of the clear signs of sympathy - if it is mutual, almost any man will take the initiative himself in the future.

Unrequited sympathy, especially if it has probably grown into something more, is no longer a positive feeling - on the contrary, it brings only grief and can noticeably poison the life of the one who experiences it. It's one thing if you haven't taken any steps, you just don't know how to approach the object of adoration, and therefore are not sure that everything is unrequited, and quite another - if the lack of reciprocity is obvious. However, psychologists, even in such a neglected situation, give advice on how to get rid of unwanted affection for someone.

• Out of sight, out of mind! Our memory is rather short, we instinctively tend to concentrate more on what is relevant now. You do not need to see the object of sympathy, or do it as little as possible - and over time, the feeling will weaken.
• Destroy the ideal. Sympathy is an irrational feeling, because in fact any person has shortcomings. By sympathizing, we close our eyes to the unseemly qualities of the object, and instead we need to focus on them! This will also help to save your own self-esteem, because the logic “they don’t see me because I’m worse” occurs very often and makes it difficult to understand that you, too, can be liked by someone.
• Keep yourself busy. Remember: the awareness of sympathy for someone is a thought process that is possible only when you are not busy with anything. Longing and sadness is problematic if at the same time you are busy solving a difficult problem, and vice versa, the spleen covers the one who does nothing. Start improving yourself - not in order to still evoke sympathy in return, but simply so as not to think about your object of disposition, and over time you will get out of the habit of doing it!
• Take a look around. As the saying goes, a holy place is never empty, and a person tends to trust someone and sympathize with someone. If disposition has previously developed into love, then it will be quite difficult to fix this, but for the role of a simple object of sympathy, you can always pick up a new candidate, which will be no worse than the old one.