How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman?

Most of women's problems and failures stem not from external circumstances and the notorious "vicissitudes of fate", but from the lack of adequate self-esteem. It can be incredibly difficult for a woman to accept herself and love for who she is. However, it is with this that all positive changes in our life begin. And therefore, whatever the problem, whatever it is associated with, you need to learn to find a solution precisely from the main thing - to love yourself. In this article, we will talk about how a woman can do this.

There is a delusion in society that identifies self-love as selfishness. And for a long time this kind of love was considered condemned, shameful. It was believed that if a woman loves herself, it means that she is a narcissist, from whom nothing good can be expected. There is a substitution of concepts. Modern psychology looks differently at self-love and strongly recommends that women at any age pay more attention and love to themselves.

Self-love is needed in order for others to love you. If a woman ceases to respect her own needs, desires, aspirations, ceases to pamper herself, then absolutely the same thing begins to be done by those around her. Therefore, there is nothing surprising in the fact that ladies who give all their strength and time to their husbands, children, work, are once thrown, fired, cease to appreciate. Often the collapse of life falls on the highest "boiling point" - the age after 50, 40 years. And from this the trouble seems even more global, irreparable.And very few people at this moment come to mind that the actions of those around them were only a “mirror”, and the root of the problem was the lack of love for oneself.

Lack of self-love makes women unhappy in marriage. Having given all her strength to a man, sacrificing herself for the sake of him and his interests, a woman expects lifelong gratitude, but usually receives only the opposite - a boorish attitude, dishonest behavior, betrayal, loneliness.

Self-love is as different from pure selfishness as heaven is from earth. The egoist loves exclusively herself, only herself. A smart woman combines love for herself with love for others... People who do not love themselves usually cannot give love to others, their feelings are flawed, always doomed to failure. That is why work on yourself should always begin with assessing your own self-love and increasing it.

A woman who loves herself knows well what she needs in life, in work, in personal relationships for complete happiness... As a result, knowledge turns into goals, and goals lead to the desired results. People around you do not make you happy, only you yourself may or may not become happy, achieve what you want, or watch from the sidelines as successful, successful women who are happy at any age walk by.

Sacrifice increases in some way a lady's self-esteem, but does not allow her to reveal her full potential to its full potential. She does not give calmness and happiness. The woman begins to expect that her victims will be appreciated, for them they will love her. This usually does not happen, and this is natural. Expectations crash against reality. The presence of adequate self-love reduces the likelihood that a woman will become a victim, feel like her, and become susceptible to someone else's manipulation. This is an opportunity to live a full life of your own, to do whatever you want. Such representatives of the fair sex are attractive, charming, interesting for both men and children.

Low female self-esteem is quite characteristic. Experts identify five main signs that will help establish whether everything is in order with self-esteem, where and what corrections are required. The feeling of self-worth is so personal that a woman can honestly answer some questions only on her own.

A not always ugly woman who goes to work without makeup has low self-esteem, and you can often find a sleek beauty in whose soul and life complete chaos is going on. It's just that in the first case, a woman accepts and loves herself, and in the second she is constantly trying to change herself, improve, modify, but love from this no longer becomes.

Now is the time to establish what are the signs of lack of self-love.

• A woman does not know how to accept help from the outside, gifts, she is sincerely embarrassed when showing her signs of attention. She internally does not believe that her "such" can really be loved, hence the awkwardness, as well as the constant search for "dirty tricks."
• A woman remains in an uncomfortable, uncomfortable relationship for herself only because she does not believe that she is worthy of another life., what else will be able to meet a partner who will make her happy. The cycle closes, and an insecure lady can devote her whole life to a toxic and destructive relationship with a tyrant, alcoholic, drug addict. Even if she decides to end such a relationship, but does not learn to love herself, another tyrant will most likely appear in her life. She attracts a certain type of men.
• A woman who lacks self-love does not know how to express out loud his goals and desires simply and clearly. She simply cannot formulate them within herself.Therefore, next to a lady, most often only those men who are not interested in women's desires and aspirations, do not need them.
• A woman often finds herself in a victim position.... She does not enjoy sincere respect and love at work, in marriage, among friends, she allows others to be rude to her, be rude, "swallows" insults and resentments, and the reason for this always lies in the low level of her own love potential.
• A woman constantly compares herself with other representatives of the fair sex, seeing around some competitors. A confident lady who loves herself does not need to compete with someone for something, she knows her advantages.

Lack of self-love is often accompanied by a variety of fears - fear of being alone and abandoned, fear of being in the back rows for happiness.

The reasons why a woman does not love herself are multifaceted and versatile. Sometimes a lack of love is formed due to childhood psychological trauma, sometimes it is a consequence of negative experience, in which a woman has formed erroneous deep beliefs about herself with a minus sign. Most often, ladies who grew up in strict families, where they were limited by a large number of prohibitions, censures, criticism, neglect, punishments, suffer from a lack of self-love.

Psychotherapists distinguish three types of such beliefs:

• "I am not like everyone else, ugly, fat, awkward, etc.";
• “I am weak, I cannot afford this work, task, goal, achievement”;
• “They don’t love me, they don’t respect me, they don’t appreciate me.”

More often than not, such beliefs are associated with the fact that in childhood the girl could not meet basic needs. First of all, the need for love and acceptance on the part of her parents, she felt their detachment and coldness, eternal preoccupation with their own affairs.

It is not uncommon for women who do not love themselves to grow out of school bullying victims. And the longer the insults and bullying lasted, the higher the likelihood of irreversible changes in self-esteem. Long periods of such stress invariably lead to the reinforcement of negative self-judgments.

The reason may lie in the organization of the nervous system.... More timid, vulnerable girls are less likely to be able to effectively resist the difficulties in communicating with their peers, impressionable persons get so used to painful reactions that their stress is literally fixed at the hormonal level. Women with low self-esteem are painful about any setbacks, even small and insignificant ones. They find in them an unconditional confirmation of their "worthlessness."

Lack of self-love is often associated with educational attitudes in which parents and society preached the rejection of their desires in favor of family, children, and work. The daughters of such mothers rarely love themselves; they simply did not see another good example as they grew up.

If it is impossible to change the past, then a woman can cope with the problem here and now at any age. To determine the degree of the problem, psychotherapists advise giving honest answers to certain questions.

• What do you think of yourself?
• Do you take care of yourself, take care of, do not you save on funds and cosmetics, clothes, shoes for the benefit of others?
• Do you like the reflection in the mirror? What exactly causes negative feelings?
• Do you believe that you have every right to receive the love of other people?
• Do you often reward yourself in any way you can?
• Do you often punish yourself?

Specialists in the field of psychotherapy distinguish several emotional modes in which every woman finds herself from time to time. And one of them is destructive. This is the criticizing parent mode. To raise her self-esteem, a girl or woman must completely abandon merciless criticism of her thoughts, feelings, actions and desires. This is not difficult to control. As soon as a vague or obvious feeling of guilt appears, you need to suppress it.

It is easy to trace the moment when the critical regime is turned on. It maintains and lowers low self-esteem. Disabling the mode forcibly will get better and better every time, and this will significantly increase self-esteem, be happy even in unpleasant life circumstances. You can start to respect yourself by replacing the usual destructive attitudes with neutral ones. For example, before you scolded yourself with the last words, but now, when you have such a desire, you can simply note that "could have been done better."

It is important to learn to accept not only your advantages, but also disadvantages, to love yourself for who you are. Stop comparing your appearance with the external data of other women, stop looking up to models and actresses, start caring for yourself with the initial data that you have. Very soon you will be sincerely surprised that becoming beautiful does not mean having plastic surgery or losing a couple of tens of kilograms. Becoming beautiful is a state of mind, and it comes only in the process of caring for a loved one... If it is difficult to turn off the criticism mode in yourself, it is worth switching it to the self-compassion mode.

Look less often at the past, do not return mentally to unpleasant situations, more often look to the future, try to give this look more optimism... If the negativity from the past does not leave you alone, learn to find something funny in every traumatic situation. This will help you gradually devalue negative attitudes.

Learn to speak out loud about your desires and needs, ask for help from others if necessary, boldly say what you would like to receive as a gift for the holiday. Learn to firmly defend your personal boundaries and rights. At the same time, make sure that they do not intersect with strangers. In other words, your personal boundaries must not violate other people's boundaries... Respect them the same way as your own, do not allow yourself to be manipulated, offend your personal dignity. Say “no” more often if you feel that the request or demand of a person violates in some way your personal boundaries, desires, visions.

Expressions in the style of Bridget Jones like "Well, get yourself together, rag!" Are ineffective. This is the regime of the inner critic, and it only aggravates the condition. In every difficult situation, say that "it will not be easy, but you need to take a small step." Listen to your desires more often. If you want to read a book, and the situation requires you to go to wash your clothes, look for compromises. If the laundry suffers, postpone it or reward yourself for the work done with an hour of calm reading, without admitting any anxiety or remorse during this time.

Keep a journal of your accomplishments. Every day, bring into it at least a minimal achievement, success, a job done well, a positive thought. Rereading such a diary will help to consolidate new positive attitudes, which will gradually replace the old negative ones.

The book can become a reliable assistant for a woman. If you have difficulty with self-esteem, pay attention to labor E. Roberts "Secrets of Self-Confidence." If a woman already has some experience of self-improvement, she will be interested. Personal Correction Guide by Richard Bandler... There is room for a book on every woman's table. “Know how to stand up for yourself. The key to self-affirmation "sponsored by practitioners specialists Alberti and Emmons.

Here are some simple, actionable tips to help boost your self-esteem.

• Be curious be interested in everything new, look for new hobbies and hobbies.
• Speak to your own address compliments for 5 minutes every day in front of a mirror.
• Let New People Into Your Life Easily and easily let go of those who decide to leave it. This will be inevitable as you gain self-esteem. People who come will accept you more adequately, they will not manipulate you.
• Monitor your health, diet, take care of yourself daily.